How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
