who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
