There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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