i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
