Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
As shirtless as possible
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
