Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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