my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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