sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
