So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
