Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
