Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
