Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
