I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
