hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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