she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
