So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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