Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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