my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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