we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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