Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
