I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
