I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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