isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
When did angry sex become our thing?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
