closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
