Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
