Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm at about main and main street
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
