went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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