Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
