my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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