Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
