So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
