I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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