After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
