There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize