how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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