why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
