Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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