And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
