You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
