He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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