I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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