I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
