R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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