you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
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I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So many bounce houses so little time
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
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Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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