I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
