Taylor Swift is so right about you.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
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She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
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new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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