Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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