At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
