pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
