I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
