Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think my vagina is haunted
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
