Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize