I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
