the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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