i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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