its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Barsexuality is the new black.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
