Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
