THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
