it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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