I didn't shave. On purpose
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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