i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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