What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
