my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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