SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I deserve this hangover.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
