If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
