i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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