And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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