DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
