I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
