Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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