god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
