Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
