return my video game
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
