i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You are the jesus of drinking
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
