hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
40s are totally the cure
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
