i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
