at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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