The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
