lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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