Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We got so high we made milksteak
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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