going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
