i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
