peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Drunk is not a location!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
